Where is Christmas?

Hello Internet, its me, again. I haven't written here in a long while. College takes all my time away and work makes me to tired to function sometimes. (Literally sometimes I get stuck half way down to sitting down because I'm so sore) Since I tend to share my opinions here and my life experiences, generally during holidays because I'm usually in my room contemplating escape through my window to avoid my family or siting with my family awkwardly trying to avoid there sight and prying questions about my life, I have time to think. This time I thought about Christmas and everything that comes attached to it. 

For those who don't know, or I just haven't mentioned it on here, Christmas in my favorite holiday. Hands down it is my favorite holiday because, even though I don't particularly like my family, we at least have to be nice to each other for a day and pretend we care. It's actually really sweet honestly because I kinda do believe it. This year however I was proven drastically wrong. My family was nowhere to be found this Christmas, not a call or a mention. My grandpa is in Mexico enjoying himself in his hometown and contemplating marrying this woman who he met online, yeah I know modern age dating huh, so of course he couldn't come home, That would be incredibly selfish no matter how much I love my grandpa. My other extended family though had no excuse. They at least call to mention last minute that "Oh hey! I meant to call you! Yeah were leaving to the middle of nowhere to be with the tumbleweeds and a thousand kids! Merry Christmas!" Rude rude family I've got. 

But besides the family missing, Christmas for me was still a bummer to me. This year it just felt empty. No spirit, not joy, just stress stress stress. My mom seemed more interested in buying and finishing all the presents for people than actually taking time to buy the presents and actually thinking of the people. Okay, let me explain here. I know maybe some of you can agree and understand this method of buying gifts but for me it is completely different. When I buy gifts I think of the person I'm buying it for. I buy the present specifically for them knowing that they'll enjoy it. It makes me extremely happy when they actually do enjoy it because that means someone this Christmas actually got something they liked for Christmas not just stinky socks or something they'll never actually use from a deranged family member. I don't really care about receiving presents honestly. I prefer giving presents instead because this happiness the person gets while opening the present is enough gift for me. Nothing material could ever give me that feeling of accomplishment. That is why this Christmas kinda sucked for me. My siblings were not grateful for the presents they received and didn't really deserve them either. Its sad how spoiled they are and un-thankful. I didn't receive any presents from my parents but I'm not complaining. 

This Christmas could have been better but I believe things happen for a reason. Maybe this Christmas showed me the life I could have in the future or taught me exactly what to avoid. Either way this was a learning experience that thought me more about my family, myself, and the character of people. So for those reading this today, Merry Christmas. Be thankful for what you have, your family, and what you recieve. It's important to keep the spirit alive or else in a few years Christmas is going to be taken over the department stores and solely about presents. 

Sincerely, 

Natalie

Enjoy Every Moment of Life

It's so surreal how we take everything for granted. You can not say individually that you don't because everyone does. Yesterday and today my family and I have been watching old home videos from Thanksgiving. Like we're talking years 2005/2006. This is the time when my brother of 9 was 1 year old and I was 10 years old. My family is together on thanksgiving and dancing their asses off in my back yard. We are all crazy young, dancing to old school Mexican music, and of course, happily drunk. What makes this so special is the fact that my family is at my house. See, one of my uncles live up north by San Francisco in a city called Stockton. That is at least 6-7 hours away from where I live. They used to drive every year down to my house to celibate thanksgiving and my uncle's birthday, which is on the same day. My other uncle, who is also my godfather, who lives much closer comes too with his family. What shocked me was that second cousins that we don't talk to at all are also in this particular video we watched and it seems impossible because we have completely no contact at all with them now. 

That was the past. Today, my uncles and my dad, their brothers mind you, have created some family feud that completely destroyed that family we used to be. Worst is that this feud is about money. Money. If the world wasn't economically run then maybe this wouldn't have happened. But I'm not here to blame the world. I here to ravish on the past and to tell myself to enjoy every single moment of my life whether it be waiting in line to going to church. Every moment is precious. Family is worth more than money isn't it? 

Another aspect of my life that has made me think of this was that life is so fragile and can be gone in an instant. Many of my dad's family friends have passed away recently and has made me think about everything in my world and how I would feel if they passed away. In this past week I know of 3 people personally who have pasted away. Three. One of these people is the father of one of my past dancer friends who had cancer. Her little girl, who grew up with no father, was extremely attached to him and now doesn't even comprehend that he's gone. All she knows is that she misses him and asks when he's coming back. It makes my heart heavy just to think of this poor little girl. If this were to happen to me i know I wouldn't be l aright. I mourn for their family who is suffering right now and hope everything gets better in their life.

For my sake, I am going to list memories of my past that have changed dramatically through out the years:

1. My grandpa house, house I grew up in and lived, is now under new ownership. I knew every nook and cranny in that house and can not even visit it anymore. They even tore down my tree house.

2. My grandparents got divorced. My grandma hardly ever visits now.

3. My other set of grandparents have passed away. I now will never have a chance to see or speak to them ever again. Last time I saw them I was 9. 

4. After seeing my cousins and I dancing and getting along so well, I realized that I can't even contact them because they have blocked me from every social network they have. 

5. I have stopped dancing which I really need to start again soon.
6. My high school band director has accepted another job position and will be resigning. I know I never really talked to him very often but I will miss him tremendously. He is by far one the best teachers I have ever had.  

Enjoy your life and cherish every minute of it. You'll never know when it will be taken away.

-Natalie

Spring Break 2014

It's official: Spring Break is OVER. Sound the alarms! Run over the bridge! Go catch that dog! Schools back in! And AP testing season has begun. Aw crap. To this day, April 27, I don't know what day my AP tests are. What a A+ scholar I am huh. No but seriously I could probably be testing tomorrow and not know. Greeeeat. 

Anyways my spring break was kinda awesome. At first, it started pretty grim not doing anything. I mean, I had Friday off and stayed home to clean my house. So exciting! *Australian accent* Of course that was Easter so we did what everyone did: Go to church and eat a big meal. This year wasn't as fun as other years. The holiday spirits aren't like they used to be unfortunately.

On Saturday I went to Alicia's house to finish the stupid essay that basically took over all of the senior AVID class's free time and liberty and freedom. I'm pretty sure some of us had dreams or rather nightmares about this essay and how our teacher was gonna eat us alive because we probably did all wrong. Frighting.  It was until Monday that I actually did something productive for myself and went to Zumba at 6 AM. My moms friend gave me a ride to and back so it was pretty cool. I felt really good doing exercise early and then being done for the day. Sometimes it becomes a labor to do exercise but it's necessary to stay healthy. I went all Spring Break and now I feel great. Healthy and fit. 

On Tuesday I had a flipping spectacular day. I went swimming with my girlie friend Marcia, Alex, Andrew, and Ben. And it was exhilarating. I spent the day swimming and laughing and it was awesome.  After that Marcia, Ben, and me walked the riverbed near the pool and well it was an adventure. Especially for me since I'm never allowed out much less out to the riverbed where the hobos roam. It was truly an adventure.

Next on Wednesday I went to the swap meet. I personally love the swap meet because it's full of old antique objects. Play stations, lamps, old toys that I never thought I'd see again. Currently I was looking for a birthday present for my good friend Luis. I know that what I'm looking for is there. I just new to find it. Hey I found a good and working Game Cube there that I gave to Ben for his birthday last year and that made him extremely happy. I'm a great present giver if I do say so myself *tightens tie and smug smile* 

On Friday I went on another adventure to the pools and riverbed. This time Maria, Marcia, Andrew, Chris, and Ben came. This day got better because after the swimming and riverbed adventure I had the liberty to go to the movies with them. Which was purely amazing. Originally I was suppose to see "The Quiet Ones" with Marcia because she is the one that adores scary movies. BUT since I was never allowed to watch scary movies as a kid ( the first movie I saw was the Grudge and not even all of it and I'm still afraid today to my embarrassment) so I freaked. At the previews. To make it even worse, Ben offered very strongly to leave and find another movie, and grimly I accepted. * ducks head down I shame * we ended up watching Captain America which was about a quarter in. It was a pretty good movie. Only problem is that I haven't seen any of the Captain America movies haha...haha...ha. Yeah I know I'm lame. I made it up to Ben at the end. I have the greatest boy in the world. 

On Saturday after I came from Zumba I helped my dad paint my sisters' room. Since both of them like the color blue (though the youngest one wanted it blue just because she is obsessed with "Frozen") If I do say so myself, it came out pretty well. Couple hours later we headed onto the road to visit my uncle who got shot up by Stockton. First we slept at my my cousins Carlos's house. It was pretty nice especially the fact that I didn have to share a bed. Aweeeesome. We ate and then left to continue on the road.

It's so beautiful out in Northern California. Currently I am riding to Madera, California to visit my uncle who got shot in the lung and leg. Watching all the grass land and trees is really intriguing. Plug in earphones and soak in the green. That's my moto for the road. Since I live in LA county there's not a lot of green there. Buildings, streets, people. Here you have to pass a butt load of fields to reach the next city. About a 20-40 minute drive. It's so peaceful. Personally I would love to live the county life. Don't get me wrong I love the city life it's just that county life is so much peaceful. Pshh says the one who's gonna go to college in the middle of Los Angeles. Go Eagles! 

It's so world to think my dad was up here in his youth picking all the crops I see right now. Yeah, he took that road for money. It makes me think how fortunate I am to be able to get a college education and be able to have all my necessities. 

Nom. We just passed a IHop billboard. Those usually don't intrigue me but damn I'm hungry. And breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. Absolutely positively favorite. So for now, I will continue to dream of eating there because I have only at there once. My parents aren't really breakfast people which usually discourages me. 

We got to the hospital around 12:30 so we made good time. The city was scary though. I don't mean  to be racist or offend anyone but the city was a real culture shock for me. Where I live, in the busy city of LA, there are mostly only Mexicans and Latinos. Even my school is 95% Latino. So when I entered Modesto, it was really frightening. African Americans filled the streets along with a couple of Caucasian. People of a different color of me. It really opened my eyes to realize how I lived in a really safe neighborhood and by safe I mean surrounded by Latinos just like me. 

After the whole visit, which my uncle is great, we headed home. All the way home. Like 5 hours in the car all the way home. Toooo long. Plus on the way my brother threw up so it was not present smelling. BUT to finish the day on a good foot my uncle, who looks like a greaser which is just plain cool, bought us King Taco, the greatest food ever. In the history of tacos. It's a So Cal thing. 

And that ended my spring break :D After all this fun I am ready to go back to school and tackle all five weeks that are left for me of my high school career. Oh crap. That is very scary. I still need to come into realization that I can come back anymore. Its college time. -NattPS. Look at this picture my sister took of me:

Pretty good for a 5 year old don't ya think? 

The Little Things About My Grandma

I've been thinking about my family a lot recently but the one person who always stays in my mind is my grandma. While in the shower, come on people you know that's where you think about what happened today and about life, I used this soap my friend Marriza have me for Christmas that smells like lavender. Now let me say this right now: I remember things mostly off smell. I can tell you how the day my brother was born smelled or how my room smells in the summer or how the shirt of my uncle smells like when I was 6. Its scent memory. Anyways once I smelled it, I instantly got a flash back of my last trip to Mexico. While I was in the shower. I swear guys I'm not this creepy but in my head I instantly got an image of my grandma's shower on the second floor of the house. And it smelled completely like lavender. Lavender to me smells like my grandma. And how much I miss her. After this I started thinking of all the little things that make her so special. Like the way she used to fret every time we arrived to her house and when we left she would cry a river, I'm not exaggerating she must have drank a bunch of water because she went on for hours, or when she would freak out because I would wear black, her least favorite color in the world, or just the way she used to cry with so much emotion that it would bring me to tears instantly. God knows I love my grandpa but when my grandma died it hit me hard. I have only cried twice at school: when my grandpa died and when my grandma died. The difference is that I cried the whole damn day after she died. My grandma had some quirky things too like how she only wore nightgowns or only had half her pinky or would give me her laundry to wash, after she embarrassingly asked if I would wash it for her, in a small little ball, or how he loved to hear my siblings and is sing. The last time she heard us she cried, which of course, made me cry. My grandma was one of the most strongest, fierce, and hardworking woman I have ever met. 

I just thought I'd write about these thoughts and my amazing grandma because sometimes you just gotta let it out. And I know if she was here she'd listen to me. 

I love you Mama Maria, 

-Natalia 

New Year Resolutions

Yet another yeah has past and another year of our lives done. Today is the last day of 2013 and yet I don't feel like I've accomplished much. Honest to Jebus, I don't think much of myself and often forget memorable things which lead me to write this blog in the first place. Now I know it seems super corny to write New Year resolutions but you know, here I am. Writing them. Because now that it will be on the internet, I have to do them. 

Buuuut first! Last years resolutions that I wrote. Lets see if I completed them.

New Year Resolutions for 2013

1. Be More Open
2. Express Yourself
3. Do More Wild and Crazy Shenanigans
4. Have an Adventure
5. Live Life Like There's No Tomorrow
6. Speak Your Mind, Have A Voice and Don't Be Afraid To Show It
7. Stop Being Antisocial
8. Get Closer To My Friends and Become Like The Golden Trio
9. Grow Up and Look At Reality, No More Games Bitch
10. Have Fun, Enjoy Every Minute Of Every Day and Don't Waste Time

Ummm yeah I basically said in all of these grow up and be crazy. Well that kind of happened in a way. This year, as I've just thought of it, I did achieve a few things like being the tinniest Marching Parade Band competing in Southern California and actually making a name for ourselves and taking marching sweepstakes at Arcadia. That's something right. Yeah whoo team work. Sigh. I've actually completed most of the 2013 new year resolutions like expressing myself, as this blog, and stop being antisocial. Yay me. 

New Year Resolutions for 2014

1. Don't Live with "What if's"
2. Don't Put Yourself Down All The Time
3. Don't Hurt Myself All The Time
4. Speak Up! Your Not That Dumb. People Like Copying Your Papers For A Reason Dummy
5. Achieve Self Goals: Blog More, Make Youtube Videos, Make Thisn Last year Of High School Last
6. Network. Make More Friends. "To Earn Some You Must Give Some"
7. Stop Crying So Much You Baby
8. Don't Take Things Up The Ass. Seriously
9. Bond With Your Annoying Family. There Not That Bad.
10. Don't Be Afraid Of Everything. Take Life With A Tackle.

Those are my New Year Resolutions. Kinda corny but it will do. Hopefully I accomplish my goals and not flack out like when people say "I'm gonna lose wait next year" and then a week after January first the gym is completely empty. I would like to lose wait though. Zumba every week for me. Its not actually very hard work and I like dancing AND got results last time 

sooooo I'll take it. I'm a dancer at heart. In all real seriousness I hope to discover more of myself and succeed in college like I know I can. I want to make friends that will last a life time and not just flake out on me and forget who I even was. And lastly I want to just live life. There are so many obsticals every day just flying at me and I'd just like to enjoy my life. My family has been in a huge fight within themselves and personally I think is BS. I don't even regard them as family anymore. People I know is more like it. They might say "Oh well i helped you in this instance" or "What are you talking about I did invite you" or :"You pay it I have no money" well I'm sick and tired of it. Fuck them and move on. My dad shouldn't put up with crap like this but oh well. Shows who's the strong one in the family of nine. Ignoring my little anger tantrum, New Years is about new beginnings and fresh starts. Hopefully all goes well. 

Happy New Years!

I made this Flipgram thingy that apparently everyone is doing so enjoy!

Christmas 2013

Ho Ho Ho and Merry Christmas! I've spent this Christmas slaving over the kitchen stove making Tamales and going off to buy last minute presents ON CHRISTMAS DAY. Yeah that happened and I never though it would. I made the best Tamales I ever could and got a nice gift from my mother and father. But one thing will always be true. This will always be the Christmas when my brother and sister weren't grateful for there presents, the Christmas when my dad got very drunk with my grandpa and uncle, the Christmas when I put all of my dad's phone contacts in his phone, the Christmas where all I heard was "Natalia!" (even though that's not my real name) because my dad didn't know how to use his phone and called me every five minutes,  the Christmas where I wrote a very nice card to my father with all the words I wouldn't be able to say out loud because I'm too prideful for that, and the Christmas where again my loopy father fell asleep on the couch when opening our presents. This Christmas wasn't like I anticipated but still a good one to remember. It just didn't feel like Christmas to me honestly. It was just a get together of family. But never the less, I had fun.

How will you remember Christmas 2013?

School Is On A Swing

 So instead of doing my Spanish AP homework I'm writing a blog post because why not. School is well on its way, the first month done (finally!) Buuut now comes the harder part. College Apps O.O Yes the benefits of being a senior mean doing all those dreadful applications and having that nerve-racking feeling of "What if I get rejected from every school?! No one wants me T-T" Oh just me? Okay.

Luis =^o^= He no like pictures xP

Anyways my thoughts so far of senor year are somewhat positive. I mean no matter what way you put it its still school. We're still lock up in a place for almost eight hours and forced to do what the teachers tell us even if we think it is completely useless in the outside word, eat semi-crappy lunch, and be denied the liberty to speak your mind with the consequence of being punished for it. But ya know, Go school! So all my classes are pretty alright with the exception of English 4 AP. THAT CLASS IS COMPLETELY DREADFUL. My teacher in that class is completely clueless in what he is doing and saying. This course (being AP) should be vigorous and difficult to pass right? Nope. We're not even on the leave of the regular English classes. We're below it. Yeah that bad. I have not written a single essay in that class while the other classes have written about three. Its horrible to the point where I can text my friend (Luis ^.^) in the same class while I sit literally in front of the teacher and he sits three desks back. That bad. Yeah. But the rest of my classes are all up to there standards so I mean there has to be a bad apple in the bunch. I just hate that it's English =__=

Since I'm in band, I've been going to all the football games at my school. Yaay *note the sarcasm*  Don't get me wrong, I'd love to go to a football games...but where I don't have to freeze my ass off and play in the band. I love the band, wait that's going to far, I can stand half the band and not murder them, but still I'd like to go to a normal football game where I can be a normal teenager and dress nice and enjoy an outing with my friend. Just once. But no I live the band lyfe. 

Yesenia, Kira, and the Asian (Diana) 

Matt being loved. He no like

Andrew likey

My flute girls Emily, Asian, and Kira

!
Emily and I


That pretty sums up my life up until now. Personal Statements are waiting for me. There haunting me, chasing me from the shadows, bloody little twats. But all worth it for a better happier life. The future awaits ♥
Love,
           Natalie ♫

School Memories

As summer comes to an end and senior year come into a start I began reflecting on all those difficult but amazing years I have experienced. School has never been a challenge for me and I actually enjoyed all the time I spend in school. School is a second home to me whether it was in the depths of the library or out sitting on the grassy field. It is a place I have always felt safe, never bullied, never tormented, never had a single worry. I have always been quite good at school so I really never had to study. It was all fun and games for me. I'd like to share some memories I have of my school life that made it so memorable.

In my kindergarten class I met my future best friend Alicia. Of course, at that time I had no intention of making friends, just excited that I was somewhere that was not my house or my front yard. ( I was dark as a child ) I specifically remember one day where since it was Doctor Seuss week at my school ( a week where we celebrate Seuss's legacy and works crammed into five days ) and we made green eggs and ham. I thought it was amazing that the eggs turned green. I didn't eat them in the end but I had fun poking and watching my peers eat them. I though they were pretty disgusting but in that time I really had no opinion on anything. You know how children think: food, sleep, FUN.

Next memory I'd like to share is later on in my third grade year where I went back into my second grade class to mentor the little kids there. My teacher, Mr. Melendez, loved me as his own child. He gave me a nickname that I still use today: Nat-Ram, a combination of my first and last name. I stayed and read to the class and helped them answer questions. At the end when I had to leave because lunch was over, I ended up being about ten minutes late to class. I of course got in slight trouble but was okay because I was on my teacher's good side.  

Still best friends. Still dorks

Next was the time in seventh grade when our PE teacher at the time made us do physical training inside the class because it was raining outside. Now this consists of jumping jacks, sit-ups, push-ups of all kinds, squats, and the dreadful lunges. And this was the first time I had ever done this type of workout. The next day after this horrible workout, as you guys can imagine, were were sore as heck. I fell out of bed because my legs wouldn't support me. My friends were the same. Every time we sat down it was the worst pain in the world. So at lunch  my friends Alicia (Above), Marcia, Brisy, and Isaiah and I decided to get rid of the pain. By running. That was the worst pain I had ever felt. My muscles refused in every way possible. But I could move again thank Jebus. I will never forget that pain. So now I do exercise very often to never feel that pain.

Isaiah, Marcia, and Alicia; My childhood friends

Lastly I'll share the story of how Alicia and me broke our band director's podium. Ahh freshman year. So we just came from a band concert at a neighboring school (which we totally rocked the best) and we stuffed the podium in a bus seat. When we got to our school we loaded everything off the bus and the late idem being the podium. When Alicia and me were pulling it off the seat, one of the legs were stuck under the seat. so we jerked it the podium up and well, you guessed it, it snapped. We started laughing like crazy and walked to the band room still laughing. The director wasn't mad but we still felt bad and super glued it back. 

I hope you enjoyed laugh at my little stories of my school days and will continue to read my blog. 

To good memories, 

Natalie ♫

Bonding With My Family And The Confessions Of A Obsessed Girl

Today was a somewhat boding day for me and my family since after all Sunday is family day for us. We traveled to the West Covina Mall and window shopped for a few hours. I made exactly one purchase which was this adorable lucky Chinese charm bracelet with little frogs on it. 

I have a love for bracelets 

Later we continued to window shop and ended up entering the Disney store where I nearly fainted. Of joy. I will now continue to share with you lovely people one of my extremely big "obsessions". Since I was a little girl I have always been obsessed with stuffed animals. Any type of stuffed animals: monkeys, teddy bears, heart shaped, little figurines. I loved them. To show you guys how powerful my love and dedication to my stuffed animals I took them all out of my black hole number two (the first being my ginormous head, the second being my closet) and snapped a pic with them. Prepare yourselves! 

PS. Whoever buys me a Peter Pan plushy I will love you forever

Yes I am seventeen and still have this many stuffed animals. Tough. 

On a brighter note, I plan on donating most of my little friends here to a homeless shelter or a charity in December. My absolute favorite holiday is Christmas and it makes me feel completely awful to think a little child won't wake up to the smell of pine in there home, if they even have a home, they merry spirit of Christmas alive in their home and no Christmas presents. If I can do something to prevent this tragic scene I will. Christmas is about giving so that's exactly what I'll do.

So continuing my tale of today, after we left the mall we drove off to this small little local chinese restaurant (Karen's Chinese Food) which we go to so often they practically know us by name and know exactly what we always order. Hey we love chinese foods, what can I say.

Egg Soup Yummmm

She's all smiles today!

My lovely parents

"Finally!"

*Mouth Watering*

Drew myself on my left overs. I think it looks pretty accurate 

My fortune is actually pretty surprising since my dad was thinking of flying back to his home town in Mexico for this labor day weekend and I commented that I would accompany him if he'd like. It seems like my fortune is predicting my near future?? We'll find out soon enough ☺

Lots of love,

                       Natalie ♫