Since this has happened multiple times in your life time I think it's finally time to write down as a reminder to stop stressing out. About everything. I mean it. Shut up and just breath. You have the irrational fear of everything and can not begin to contemplate how to live a life without books because books are the very answer on how to keep yourself leveled as you so have figured out today. Stop trying to be like other people. It is okay to analyze them and identify how they think but it is not okay, I repeat, not okay, one more time, NOT okay to try to become like them. For a while you thought you can become a mixture of all the people you saw. You were horribly wrong. It is not good to become like someone else because you are already someone.
Today while riding the bus you realized a couple things. First, that reading books calms you the heck down. Reading, imagining, becoming one with the books helps you keep in tack with you. It is part of you and you should embrace it. You must read a new book, at least one at the very least, every two weeks, and that's a stretch and you know it.
Second thing you figured out, you are incredibly plain. You are, as much as you want to fight it, normal. You are ordinary, you are a human being, you are a goodie to-shoes at heart. You freak out when someone breaks the rules, or when your late. You are extremely trusting and believe that there is good in everyone even if they seem like or act completely rude and stupid to you, But you need to embrace this as well. Looking at the world today, everyone seems to be messing up their lives. They want to be normal, They strive for it. You already have it. You have a good life. Embrace that. You did stray from this path a little bit in high school because you were young, naive, and very much an idiot and wanted something more than just your normal plain own life. You idiot. But if it wasn't for this you wouldn't have met Ben.
Which brings me to my third and final point: that is one reason you love him too. You are fairly good at reading people. Judge what they will do next, what they will say, how they will react. But that in no way prepared you for Ben. He is crazy, has no pattern, and can be complete chaos. But it works. That is why it works, You are plainly normal but he is the exact opposite, everything but normal. He gives you surprises, makes you try new things, leads you to new experiences. What you need in your normal life. So if you come back in the future to read this, let me remind you why you fell in love with him; he makes you feel whole.
So then here I come to answer your question: why does college make you stress out about everything? Simple: your alone. No friends, no Ben, and intelligent but wacky professors who somehow manage to contradict each other. More deadlines, having to write papers that have nothing to do with the subject of the class and prove absolutely nothing, and just your normal busy life. So I am here to remind you. Shut up. Take a deep breath like Eldridge showed you. And relax. Everything will be okay. You know that. Be brave. Keep going.Because if life was easy is that a life at all?
-Natalie
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